For you...

Today on bus, I was kind of ‘eavesdropping’ on a gal’s conversation with her male friend (I don’t usually do that!!) She was standing beside me and speaking as if she owns the bus.. so prob doesn’t lies on me.




What caught me was her loud voice, “I won’t trust guys! All guys cheats!” She kept on blabbering about all her maternal side uncles cheat on their wife. Not even one that was an exception. Saying that growing up in such a family, her immediate relatives somemore, ppl whom she’s surrounded with, how could she ever trust on guys? (Which I totally agree….)



But it’s also because of this mentality, she tend to feel that her bf(I think it’s her ex) is the only guy that she wanna put the trust in. Though knowing the sad reality truth, she still wanna believe that she could rely on her loved one.



Then her bf complained that she’s putting on a lot of expectations and pressure on him. She continued, “Girls don’t really need much. All they want are little stuffs. It could be as easy as texting her asking over her day, give her a call after her work on her way home, sometimes becos’ of them doing some little stuffs…” (Which again I totally agree on.. though in my case I wouldn’t deny that I demand more from my bf, I want him to stand up for himself, be a man, well.. a person with integrity, responsibility!)



Also, she mentioned about how her bf says how much he says he loved her but always seems to produce actions on the opposite side. He’ll be so ‘in loved’ with her when suitors comes, but as she rejected suitors.. her bf will also seems to forget that he loved her. Keep taking things for granted. Like as if there’s a very cyclical period of his love, come and go. At times, she feel that her bf would like to leave her out of his life just because he wants to have some ‘fun’.



Lastly, I remembered her conversation with her friend goes like this:



Gal: Sometimes it seems that I’m the only one thinking in this relationship.



Friend: I’m sure he also got think, but…. (he couldn’t even think of a reason to help the guy say)



Gal: Yap, he thinks. He only thinks when I remind him of. (Which I tot was totally same as my situation. That’s why it looks like as if I’m the one who reminds him to ‘think’, which let me become the bad character.)



Friend: I think he sometimes remembers, sometimes will forget (to love you)…. Aiya, life’s like that de lah.. (ya, so just say it’s like that then can solve prob.. argh…)









From this eavesdropping … obviously it’s here for one particular person to see. I’ve been listening onto her conversation partly because whatever she was saying at that particular moment seems so true with me. So I tried my best to pick up what she says.. how she expresses herself (she was fluent in her English), so I could tell him exactly how I felt at times.



I’m here to bring up some recently happened past issues:



1) The day that I walked off from your house, from the bustop. You apologized through msg. But do u actually know what u were apologizing for? Do u know why I was so angry that I walked off 3 TIMES???? After that incident you kept your mouth shut, no questions were asked when u knew nuts about it!



2) Yesterday on phone, I was blabbering about how bad you were… nothing from you were said. Nothing said to defend yourself or to agree with me AND SAY WANNA MAKE CHANGES. Again all u do was keep quiet. Then tell me u wanna sleep liao, but after that u were actually listening to songs (though it may mean something good to me, at least u were thinking and can’t get to sleep).

Today morning, once I open my eyes, the first thing I felt was what I brought to sleep - hurt. Thinking if you were thinking too, or am I the only one always thinking if you’re feeling better.

Whenever, I blabber about how bad you are, don’t think I’m not hurt. But what’s hurting me is that u won’t tell me u wanna change for the better, if not you’ll tell me but do nothing again.



3) Today, I had a ‘sway’ day. Without food, I rushed to school. You know how badly it gets to me when I’m hungry. My head will be hurting like nobody business.

During break, at 1 plus, I went to buy a sandwich, $1.80. While keeping my coins, I dropped the sandwich. Whole thing have to throw away. Then as I do not wanna spend my already very little buck with me to go through this month, I went back to class w/o food. At 3pm, went to eat a $3.50 rice.

After my 2nd class, at 6.30pm, I went down to ask my teacher about some MacroEcons stuffs that I have discussed with Gina over the last weekend, then my teacher say ‘I have never used this to teach you all. It’s not wrong, but it’s not what I taught.” It was so ma-lu, means I didn’t study her notes and still dare to ask her.

Then rushed down to the PAP place, by bus.. tot would be faster. But there was traffic jams! Took me 2 hours to reached the place (which I hated most.. motion sickness + hunger)

I msg you “Later maybe I’ll go over your place.”

You replied “ok ok. I’ll wait for you.” Do u know how happy I was?

I reached there at 8.45pm, which usually I’ll leave at 10pm. Thinking so short a time I come would be so pai-sei. Nevertheless, nobody said anything bout that. Went to do the usual. Leaving at 10.30pm, I called you since you gave me missed calls.. u were sleeping, asking me if I would like to go home as tml u need to wake up early. Of course I have to let u sleep.. if not, what quarrel with u on phone? But what happen to the “I’ll wait for you”?

Plz stop giving me empty promises. My heart couldn’t ta-han so many times of those. I know you don’t mean to hurt me but I can’t allow myself to forget these once and again disappointments just becos’ u didn’t mean to. Maybe u should start to mean what u say, to me and everyone besides you.



I would need you to talk/type to me about anything from this post. Pls don’t just remain quiet. If you think u can’t express yourself well enough on verbal, cos’ I kept cutting your speech, write. Spend some time to write a letter or what. Tell me what u like, what u dislike, what u feel, what u GOING TO DO. I need u to be responsive, if not, again, I’ll just be ‘talking’ to a plain wall.